New Study: Hotung Experiment "A Complete Failure"

Transformation of Campus Center venue made space even worse, says new report

By Dr. Dewey Dewick
Senior Staff Writer

MEDFORD, MA -- Hotung Cafe's renovation nearly two years ago -- a process that involved the removal of a big screen TV as well as the creation of a semicircular "stage" -- has been deemed a failure, says a report published by the Latin American Building Improvement Association (LABIA) this week.

According to the 500 page report, literally none of the Hotung renovation's original goals -- which included increased student recognition of the facility and the transformation of the dining area into a "pub" after hours -- have been met.

"This experiment has actually made the venue worse," said Jorge Mejillas, senior director of LABIA. "The concert area used to actually have a stage. Now it has an awkward semicircle."

"It's not what we envisioned, that much is clear," added the project's former construction foreman William Kazakhov. "We didn't transcend, we didn't transform. We just made the food worse and moved the TV's upwards a bit.

"This report though, it's a sheer slap in the face."


Above: How developers formerly envisioned Hotung would look

LABIA was originally contracted by Tufts to conduct the report as a promotional tool for the university. The idea was that Tufts would receive high marks for Hotung and use the document to encourage alumni donations for future useless renovations.

However, the investigation's findings show that the school's plan backfired in the worst possible way.


Above: A trashcan outside the unpopular Hotung

Tufts students were quick to offer their support for the Association's conclusions.

"I totally agree with this report," said Tufts Junior Alissa Garbonzo. "Have you ever been to a concert there? It's like, we're all standing around while the band plays in this weird semicircle at the same level as us, and then there's this totally awkward space in the back of the semicircle. You'd have to see it to believe it."

"Eating there actually made my life worse," added Freshman Jacoby Tank-Dooper. "I can't deal with the food, I just can't."

Tufts officials say no future renovations are planned for the venue, which has, according to the report, become an "atmospheric toilet for the campus's worst food and music."

"We're not really sure why students would ever even consider grabbing a beer there," said Mejillas.

DeweyDewick@Dewick.com